It’s going to be a very short update. Not much has changed, it’s more of the changes staying consistent. Sports bras feel tighter, my chest feels heavier but I’m not seeing much of a difference. I’m also about an inch shorter, I cried when I found out I’m shrinking. Now just get me 6 inches shorter (not possible) and have all my body hair fall off and I’m set. It is a slow process and I feel like it’ll be a few months before anything major happens.
I tried dating again, trying was very short. It always comes down to the same few things. I get asked a bunch of questions, I answer politely and they respond with “I’m not into that”. It’s pretty frustrating that people treat it like it’s a kink. Chasers are much worse about it, “Do you have a dick and breast?” Yeah but my breasts are small only a B cup at the most. “Not interested, I dont want a guy who crossdresses I want a woman with a D cups to rail me”. Or they get excited and respond with slurs. I did find a guy though, he is moving to Michigan in a couple months and we are going to see how that works out. He is very nice and respectful, we’ve known each other for about a year now too.
Here is what’s wrong with being turned down for having both. Chasers want you to have a big cock at least 6 inches and at least C cup breasts. The average size of an adult penis is 5 inches, that average gets lower for trans women. There is shrinkage on anti-androgens, you stop producing testosterone and because of that you experience less to no spontaneous, night, or morning erections.
The cock is a muscle and when it’s not excersized it shrinks and weakens. Think of the first time you stood on your feet all week at a new job, your feet hurt right? Same happens here if a cock doesnt get erect the muscle will shrink, weaken, and if you try to use it, it will hurt. Now pair that with a guy who wants you to fuck him, a straight guy who barely does anal play, that’s painfully tight and even more so for trans women. In my case I exercise my junk, twice a week at minimum and everything is working but it has only been four months.
So why do chasers think we can meet this expectation? That’s because where a chaser learns about trans people is typically pornography. So they think words like shemale, tranny, femboy, and other slurs are ok to say. Thats because porn titles use those. Please dont call us those they’re hateful and fetishistic. But this porn also displays women with very large cocks and breasts.
These actresses either have maintained their tool since starting hrt, or cycle testosterone to keep things functioning. That’s fine, I understand it they need money, there is a demand, and transitioning isn’t cheap. But chasers and well everyone needs to learn this is unrealistic. Also it’s rare for breasts to be larger than a A cup for trans women, I had gynecomastia as a man so I got a headstart. Trans porn actresses likely have implants or one of those rare cases.
Dysphoria sometimes prevents trans women from “working out” most days or using it at all. Personally I look at that thing in disgust or think “what the hell is that doing there?” If I didn’t “excersize” I would legit never look at my dick again. But surgery is expensive so I may want to keep things working. Anyway, chasers or anyone interested in dating trans people, keep in mind not everyone has a pornstar body so you shouldn’t try to date only pornstars. Also ask a person what they’re comfortable with and don’t assume. Just because I have a dick doesn’t mean I am comfortable using it.
News on that, I discovered my insurance will pay for all my transitioning as long as I jump through the typical hoops. 1 year hrt, 1 year real life experience (can be done during hrt), 2 notes for surgery recommendation from two psychs, and I’m doing all that. They don’t cover FFS or laser treatments though, I don’t think I’ll need FFS but laser I wish were covered.
Lastly people have been very accepting of my name. I introduce myself as Nichole to everyone and at jobs I explain my legal name is not the name I want to be called. Everyone complies, probably because Nichole is easier to say. Before being called Nichole I had to tell everyone how to pronounce it. The annoying thing is, Nichole is a very feminine name and no one uses female pronouns unless I ask. I thought it would be obvious when my paperwork says I’m female and they can clearly see I changed from a masc name to a fem one.
I guess it’s just a lack of experience. Michigan does have it’s country parts and I am told pretty often that I’m the first trans person they’ve knowingly met. Other than that not much going on with me. I’m still too uncomfortable to show my face on my livestreams, despite being able to and I don’t really do anything besides video games and work.
Thank you for reading and hopefully I’ll have something more interesting for next time.